I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
