Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
