I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
