They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
porn star boner night. come get it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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