i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize