Pants 0. Shit 1.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
