The maid of honor just puked.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
