watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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