how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
