I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
