my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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