please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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