3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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