I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize