I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
