They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
