saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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