we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
