I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
