420 ftw
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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