That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
