I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
id be glad to
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I touched a dick in church today
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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