So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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