she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
