WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
