you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize