I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
