That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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