My balls are so social today.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
