I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
