Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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