as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
