im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
