idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
