If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
