There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
