At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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