It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
