i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
