Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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