Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
