You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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