Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
