I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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