Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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