Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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