false alarm. still invincible.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
