im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize