I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
