you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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