haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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