someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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