I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
