he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
