I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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