1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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