Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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