i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
