Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize