I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
