The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
