If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
