Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
