My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize