At least make sure they are 18
Why
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
