I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize