Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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