I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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