My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The best revenge is premature balding
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Man, jail baloney is awful.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Randomize
