Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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