Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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