i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
