i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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