Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
