i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
