Swine flu is the new snow day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
