Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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