I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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