Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Michael Bay diarrhea
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
