I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
