Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
