i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize