You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize