I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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