Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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