You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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