Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
