I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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