things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
did i walk over a car last night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
