I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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