Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
