I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is not my ceiling
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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