I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
