hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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