He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize