He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
