Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
