My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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