I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Randomize
