dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
