Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
