U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
